The Saga of the Oliver Zucchini or Because Zucchi
by rockgodsdoitbetter
Summary: Oliver bewitches a zucchini for Harry.


**Title:** The Saga of the Oliver!Zucchini (or Because Zucchinis do it Better)  
**Ship:** Harry/Oliver, but there is some Harry/Zucchini  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summery:** Oliver bewitches a zucchini for Harry.  
**Words:** 836  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of it. Except for zucchini; that is all mine.  
**Warnings:** Unbetad. Hints of veggie sex. Plotless fluff. Maybe some OOCness.  
**Notes:** This plot bunny was born a long time ago over at the Harry/Oliver thread at FA . This fic is dedicated to IloveRon, LoonyLoopyLize, and Mara. My fellow three shippers. Also, a special thanks to **crypticdreams** who helped me through writing this fic. You rock so hard. Written for Humpday101 challenge. Also, I don't know if they have sharpies in the UK... for this story they do. Written purely for fun.

Harry was sitting on the floor. One of his legs was under a suitcase, the other perched under him, he was wearing a sweater on just one of his arms, behind him, there was a pile of clothes, and he was holding a book open in front of his face.

"Harry," Oliver peered into the room, "what in Merlin's name are you doing?"

Harry put the book down, tried to untangle himself from the floor, and answered, "I'm packing for you."

"Right, I should have guessed."

"I know you hate packing. I thought I'd do it. I have a more relaxed approach."

Oliver raised his eyebrows and said, "Maybe you should go back to the fold and… have me do it method?"

Harry tried to smile winningly. This attempt failed, mostly because he was clad in a sweater, pants, and a pair of boxers; the boxers were his head. "Oliver, you're worse than me when it comes to packing. You run around picking up everything in sight, then end up forgetting everything but your broom and a pair of underwear, and more times than not the underwear is mine. I'm still doubting that's an accident by the way," Harry shoved random articles of clothing into the opened suitcase, "are you sure you have to go?"

"Yeah, I can't skip it. Mum would throw a fit."

"I know. It's just—I don't want you to go."

"You'll miss me?" Oliver smiled.

"Also, I don't like being alone in this house it's noisy…" Harry trailed off. Oliver smiled at the other boy. It was two years after the war, but Harry still hadn't grown out of jumping at every noise he heard.

"I'll be back in a week. Uh—I'm going to the store. You wanna finish packing?"

"Nah, I'm going to head over to Ron and Hermione's."

"Okay, I have something for you before I go." Oliver blushed and took a zucchini out of his trunk. It was decorated with crude sketches of a face and the words _Oliver Wood _in silver sharpie.

"Oliver, what is this?"

"It's me. In zucchini form," Oliver beamed, "just so you don't miss me too much. You can do what ever you want with it. You can even sleep with it—not in a sexy way please. I would never be able to eat zucchini without being grossed out—and strangely turned on again." Oliver bit his lip and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Oliver, I'm not—thanks."

Oliver kissed Harry left and Harry sat down and stared at the zucchini. The door banged open and Oliver stood there. "Harry? I think I forgot to turn off the stove do you think you could? Thanks." With another bang, Oliver was gone.

Harry poked the zucchini unconvinced. "Well, I guess it's just you and me now." He sighed and went into the kitchen. As he was turning off the stove, he heard soft talking. He grabbed his wand and snuck toward the sound. He jumped slightly when he saw the talking was coming from the zucchini. As he moved closer he could hear it saying, "I want to ride your broom." Harry blushed and snickered to himself.

The zucchini amused Harry, so he got into the habit of carrying it around. Of course, it was less amusing when the Oliver zucchini woke him up singing "I love Harry" at the top of its, well for lack of a better word, lungs.

Ron and Hermione came over the next day. In the middle of a conversation about Ron's boss "I want to slam you against a wall and—" came ringing loud and clear from the fruit bowl.

Harry dived and covered the zucchini with a pillow. "We're having a fruit fly problem, and Oliver bewitched the oranges to should to scare them off. Um, do you want to go outside?"

Harry had the shove the thing under the bed covers a few times to keep it quiet. It had a tendency to should about quidditch to get Harry's attention when he was talking to anyone else.

Oliver trampled into the house a week later cursing under his breath.

"Hey, you okay?"

"That women will be the death of me," Oliver sighs, "So, how'd you make out without me?"

"I survived."

Oliver pouted.

"Just barely."

"That's what I wanted to hear. Did you like the zucchini?" Oliver asked walking into the bedroom.

"Besides the fact that it never shut up? Yes."

"Good. It looks like my preserving spell is starting to wear off," Oliver noted picking up the zucchini from the bed, "Ew, Harry is that—"

"So, how was your trip?" Harry cut in.

Later that night Harry took a deep breath and spoke, "So, the zucchini said—well sang—that it loved me—multiple times."

Oliver rolled over. "Careful, you're going to make me jealous."

"Did you bewitch it to say that?"

"I just bewitched it to be like me."

"Oh—so…"

"I do though."

"Do what?"

"Love you…"


End file.
